you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
