i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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