New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
