Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
