Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
