Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
