I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
