so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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