Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Green mimosas i think yes
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
