Me too!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
