Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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