you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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