I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
