I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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