Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize