Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
