I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
