Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
