Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
