ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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