you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
