What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
