There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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