Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
