What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
