At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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