He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
