I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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