My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
