I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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