Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It was confusing and full of hummus
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
