I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
