you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.