and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.