woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.