Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????