Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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