I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
