I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
