I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
