i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Welp...herpes.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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