A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you traded sex for a burrito?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
