Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
