So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
