It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
