he told me I talked like a deaf person
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
