At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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