I'm going to jail i love you
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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