if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
