I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
