Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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