my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
