I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
