I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
