thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I need moral support for this bender
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
