Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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