ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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