your parents love me but you hate me
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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