She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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