Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
