No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
