haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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