He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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