is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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