he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
