apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
